The Days of Our Pandemic: episode i

a pinkyandthebrainhomage by KZ Rochelle (of course)

K and Z, stuck in the lavender home with blue violet trim on Wonky Way Lane were last seen in the bathroom where K was cleaning up her own throw up.

See what happened in the previous episode of The Days of Our Pandemic.

And now, for today’s episode of The Days of Our Pandemic! Featuring K, Z, and Rochelle.

“I cleaned it up, Z!” K reported.

“Good job, K,” Z said without a morsel of awe or intonation.

Z stared through the looking glass at the mess of a woman before her. Her hair disheveled off her face. Roots reaching down her scalp. A single lined eye.

“My goodness, K. At least make yourself presentable.”

“Ooooh! Do we have a Zoom today? I love Zoom days.”

“Would you like a Zoom today?” Z spoke down to K as to a puppy.

K responded as though a puppy. Her tongue splayed itself outside her mouth, moving like a Coronavirus case line graph.

“We shall see, Z. We shan’t let it get in the way of our plans.”

“Yes, K. Our plans.”

K looked expectantly at Z in the mirror.

“What plans, Z?”

“Our plans, you dimwit!”

“Right-o. Our plans.” K touched up her eye shadow. She stroked on mascara.

“What’re our plans?” K asked Z.

Z sighed. “Same as our plans every day, K. Escape the world enclosed by these four walls.”

A cackling echoed through the room.

“Enough, Rochelle!” Z declared.

The cackling stopped.

“Yeah. Our every day plans,” said K. K stared expectantly at Z. “How will we escape these four walls, Z?”

“We will use the technology of the Zoom call to transport ourselves from our side of the screen to another screen. The jumbo screen at Ray Jay Stadium.”

“Ooooooooooh. Ahhhhhhhh.”

Z rolled her eyes at K.

“Where’s Ray Jay Stadium, Z?”

“It’s in Tampa Bay, K.”

“That’s a long ways away, Z.”

“The longer the better, K.”

“Right-o. How will we do that, Z? How will we get from one screen to the other?”

Z unrolled a scroll. “Behold! The Internet Transportationonometeration Machine!”

K gawked at the image.

“We will build it and use it on the internet to jump on the information highway and surf it along the copper wires that travel under Wonky Way Lane all the way to Tampa Bay.”

“Oooooh.”

Z interrupted K before she could ah. “Yes, and before anyone knows to look for us, we’ll be far, far away.”

Rochelle’s cackles burst through the walls and calmed themselves like a breaking wave. 

“Z, I’ve been wondering…” said K.

“Yes, K?”

“It’s just that….” K trailed off, head cocked considering her thoughts.

“You were asking, K?”

“Yes. If I were to swallow all the phones and computer screens, would I have all their information inside me? Would I be as smart as you, Z?”

“No, K.” Z sank with disappointment. She didn’t know why she always expected K’s questions to be pertinent. 

“Have you tried it?”

“No, K.”

“Then how d’ya know, Z?”

“Because most information these days is hardly digestible.”

K looked pensively into the blank air just beyond her face. “Makes sense, Z.”

“Now! My Internet Transportationonometeration Machine! Here are the directions, K. Let’s get to work.” Z held the scroll so that K could see its contents.

What is a Transportationonometeration Machine? And will it help K and Z make their pandemic pining a reality? Can they escape their four walls? Find out next time in The Days of Our Pandemic.

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